For now I’m calling them growing pains…
This feeling of not being where I want to be but knowing fully well that I’m exactly where I ought to be. I can see the future that I want, but I know if I want to get there or surpass it, I have to put in the work… and honestly, just trust the process.
Let’s talk about the work, and trying to balance it with life.
As a new entrepreneur, I’m all kinds of lost. I don’t mean that I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing. My business is legal (registered with the state), I have a website, business cards, rack cards, a square account to take legitimate payments, I’m gucci. What I worry about is all the stuff I missed because I was an education major instead of business. I worry about missing little bits of wisdom I might have if I had a mentor. I give into fear and wonder if one day someone will beat me out with the very same concept. A boutique owner I interviewed once said she was afraid people would see through her and find her to be an impostor. She was, like me, doing her very best at winging it because sometimes when you’re passionate but don’t have a clue, winging it is the best you got. That and prayer.
So now let’s talk about prayer/trusting the process.
In college, after experiencing the worst heart break of my life and basically failing all of my classes, my parents announced their divorce. While I knew this was a long time coming, it only added to my depression, anxiety and hopelessness. For whatever reason, I was averse to going to the school therapist and instead turned to prayer. Prayer was not a bad alternative by any means, however in hindsight the combination of prayer and therapy probably would have been fantastic for my healing process. Over time I became incredibly involved in my faith, doing a bible study by myself almost every day, attending church that was followed by a young adult study and being a part of a very small but beautiful women’s study group. I was Jesused up and my heart was incredibly full! Today, I am continuing to explore my faith and my walk with the Universe.
Often times when I think about balance I think of equal pieces of pie. A slice for fitness, a slice for entrepreneurship, a slice for my full-time job, a slice for Tyler…so on and so forth. I’m starting to re-think that. For my sanity at least, I’m beginning to think that balance can still be balance with unequal pieces. Those unequal pieces still make for a whole person, which makes for a happy person, and that for me makes for a beautiful pie. Wabi-Sabi y’all. Beautiful in imperfection.
As you go to figure out how big each slice of your pie should be, consider what keeps you grounded. For me, more than anything else it is faith, especially faith in community. Maybe say no to a few things to carve out some time to think about what is a yes in your book. What makes you come alive? What are you passionate about? What brings you peace? Don’t know, take time think about your childhood. What activities were you drawn to the most? What parts of your personality shined the brightest?