Families change and that’s okay My parents were married for 20 years. My entire childhood I knew them as a pair. They did not always get along, my dad was gone for one to six months out of every year, his job caused us to move around a lot, my mom stayed at home and raised us…this was my life. When they divorced, I was 20 years old and while I was no longer in the home, it shook my life in ways I couldn’t have anticipated. Five years later and it is still an adjustment. Visiting two households one and a half hours away is still an odd feeling…each home is now filled with separate memories, décor and energy… and while each of my parents is growing in their own direction, so am I, so is my sister and so are all of my cousins, aunts and uncles. While we are all strung together by blood or marriage, we are each on our own journey, as individuals and as couples. While it may not always feel like the picture perfect scenario, it is authentic and it is life. Soon enough Tyler and I will be planning a family of our own and writing a new family story.
Life is messy. You're doing okay. Building off of my last point, I’ve come to recognize the hot mess that life really is. Sometimes I feel like its just me, and my life that’s a hot mess honestly. Divorce, break ups, moving, turmoil, growing pains, feeling lost, feeling renewed…its all been a part of my life. When I was little I really felt like life went a certain way, and if I could hit all the points seamlessly, I was doing a good job. Date, wait until marriage to move in/have sex, land my dream job out of college, be the boss babe I imagined in my mind, get married, still be a boss babe working my dream job, have babies, continue being awesome, the end. The truth is, none of that has happened (except being a boss of course *wink wink*). I spent a lot of time beating myself up or this and thinking that I must have displeased God to have endured the sh*tty seasons of my life. I was being punished for having made a misstep. While I believe that yes, sometimes the universe takes certain harsher measures to wake us up or help curb out behavior, we shouldn’t carry guilt and anxiety around with us. Instead, I’ve changed my thinking and have been giving everything- all my worries, concerns, anxieties, and questions to God. But I am also acting every day to move forward in faith. If I am to be corrected, the Universe will do so, and I need not cower or sulk, waiting for the “swift hand of justice” to be laid upon my life. Do your best. Be sincere. Walk in Faith. You’re doing fine.
Seek love and let the rest slide. This all builds to the newest catch phrase of my life…. “seek love”. For me this is synonymous with seeking Christ as I personally believe Christ/God/Jesus/the Universe is love. Truly. While my momma and I do not see eye-to-eye in all realms, I know that she means only to give and share love. While her manner of doing so does not reflect mine, I honor her by seeing her intention, not how the action affects me. THIS IS SO IMPORTANT. If we saw each other not for how we feel but for how things truly were, we would all be much more loving people. My parents raised me, but they are not me and I am not them. We communicate differently, enjoy different pastimes, have varying political and religious views but when I see them as they are, loving and deeply caring parents, I am able to take their information without taking it personally and I truly believe our relationships are better for it. Try love on. It makes all the difference.