One month into our relationship - October 2015
Tomorrow is our two year anniversary (dating) and I am so grateful for the milestone. Tyler and my story is a unique and speedy one. For those of you who don’t know, after completing classes at Florida Atlantic University and earning my degree in Education, I flew out to Lakewood, Colorado to spend some time in the Centennial State with my grandparents. Never did I guess that I would be leaving Florida for good.
You have a new message! Tyler S: “Hello there :)”
We can’t decide if it was the night I landed in Colorado, August 2nd, or the following evening on the 3rd when he first reached out. Regardless, not yet a week out of college and I was already on Plenty of Fish, ready to meet the right flounder, cod, Brent, Malcolm… or Tyler. (In hindsight, I suggest taking more time for yourself post-grad for self exploration and really do some soul searching on what you’d like your next steps to be) We became fast friends, texting through the app for two weeks, morning until night. We were probably the weird ones on the site, not exchanging numbers until we met in person. Finally, we decided to meet at a nearby park.
Let me back up. Tyler basically stood me up the first time. We set a time and place prior to our park meeting, but after climbing what’s called a “14ner” (14,000 more more ft mountain) with a buddy the same day as our first scheduled date, he got altitude sickness and cancelled...not re-scheduling for several days afterwards. In my mind, if you cancel, you open up rescheduling options that day or the day after! But as it turned out, Tyler had been on two previous online dates; neither one of them going very well. So he was not necessarily in hurry for a potentially bad third one.
I was so nervous. This was my first time using an app to meet someone and then actually getting the chance to meet in person! I got there early, chose a rock by the lake to plop on and called my best friend. “Oh my gosh Julia, I see him!” I started walking towards him, excited and apprehensive and thought “Here we go…”
Two years later- guess that date went well.
In the 729 days that have passed several things have taken place:
We moved in together after 6 months. We bought a condo at a year and eight months. He has seen me through 3 jobs now (3 jobs in two years, clearly I am figuring out my life) and I had the honor of meeting his grandfather before he passed, just a few months ago. Being in this relationship has been unlike anything I have experienced before; the biggest takeaway being the immense growth that we have both gone through.
One day when he and I have been married for 50 years and someone asks us what our secret is I will say “We’re suckers for each other”. No matter how much he gets under my skin, I know at the end of the day, we love every piece of each other and I’m not going anywhere but home to him. Truly, it is a choice, Tyler taught me that. When on a family vacation in May, my mom asked me how I know Tyler and my marriage will work. I thought about it for a moment before answering. If you know me then you know that I have had a deep seeded fear of marriage for some time. I often joked “Divorce runs in my family” as both my parent’s parents were divorced and after 20 years my own parents followed suit (never something I will hold against them). “We will choose each other every day.” he told me. It is something that Tyler made very clear to me. We may not be the very best fit personality wise -he’s incredibly type A, not the most social and would choose the mountains over the ocean any day. Versus me who could care less if the dishes get done today, will dance all by myself or with a stranger at any moment and would much rather snorkel than hike. Despite our differences, we choose each other every day of every year… and that makes all the difference.
My lesson to you -
Being so different has presented some challenges along the way. He doesn’t understand why I have “cousins” who I’m not actually related to and I don’t get his aversion to toppings on pizza, but we have been able to communicate our way out of everything. Together we have learned how to communicate with intention and sincere consideration. It’s one thing to communicate: You’re pissing me off! It’s another to add intention and consideration: I’m frustrated because of the way you said that. It makes me feel like you don’t trust me. As tedious as the correction in tone and addition of words can feel, it makes such a difference. Remember that you are on the same team. Do not let a slip in understanding ruin your weekend; take the time to explain your point of view and know that at the end of the day your partner wants the same thing as you- kisses before bed. I personally believe that In order to be the most successful in your career life, it's important to create and maintain success in your home <3
Here’s to you babe!