Being in this relationship with Tyler has taught me so much more than I could have ever imagined.
So. Much. More.
For a long time, and honestly still, I hear mixed reviews on "marriage is hard". Some people take that to heart as a helpful warning that sticking with one person for the rest of your life will take some effort. Others, however, feel that it's a bad omen.
The way I see it, yes, marriage takes effort...and yes, sometimes, it can be hard.
Being able to listen in an argument for the sake of truly hearing what your partner has to say and NOT building your own argument can be hard. Apologizing after you recognize a mistake you have made can be hard. Learning how to share finances, own up to whatever spending habits you have, and creating a life plan that supports both parties both individually and together can be hard. The list goes on.
Despite the challenges, one single piece of advice has helped me to key back into the heart of our relationship again and again, almost like a mission or vision statement that guides a company. It was a couple of years into our relationship when Tyler first gifted me this nugget of wisdom, that he would choose me every single day...and that was all that he asked for in return. "I choose you every single day. I just choose you."
It seriously changed the way I saw our relationship forever. It stopped being about how compatible we were (I thought tirelessly about how "compatible" we were in the beginning) and reframed our relationship entirely. It wasn't my job to analyze his every move, to compare him to my past or keep him under watch to observe our compatibility, instead my job was to simply choose him, to love him and to make that choice all over again every single day.
Now, if this feels like a jail sentence, then we have some chatting to do my friend. No judgement, just make sure you send me a message so we can examine the thoughts that led you to feel like choosing your partner/spouse on a daily basis feels less than exciting.