Sometimes I'm not so sure that discussions are really necessary for relationships. They bring up things that make you uncomfortable; place the idea of separation in your head, make you angry for letting yourself be vulnerable in the first place. The way I see it, I'd like to have a relationship like Mickey and Minnie Mouse. I bet Mickey never got jealous of Goofy sending Minnie a friendly "Hey, how ya doing?" text.
I'm teetering on this line between respecting the privacy of my relationship and being completely honest.
Let me say one thing first, I love my boyfriend.
I count this to be my first "adult relationship". We're not in school anymore, we're creating our career paths, we can really do as we please...despite the adverse reaction I may receive from my old school Christian mother (story for another time). We went on a weekend trip, because we can...I stayed at his place, because I can...we've even considered moving in together, well, because we can.
Three months ago I would not have seen this coming.
Growing up in a very Christian home, I was raised "no sex before marriage, marry another Christian, don't move in until after he put a ring on it, DON'T GET PREGNANT" I've been pretty successful at following the rules I was given...until now. Now, that I don't have the parameters directly surrounding me, now that those parameters are sitting in Florida with my madre, now, that I am able to make decisions for myself. The thing is... I don't have a clue what I'm doing.
Let me get back to "discussions" as I called them, as I refuse to call them fights or arguments. In my last relationship of 3.5 years we didn't fight/argue ever. No really...it didn't happen. And I wonder often if its what lead to our demise. We didn't let our lids fly and really come out with how we felt. I'd say that we were pretty darn happy, but when it came to things that made either of us uncomfortable, we became shy on the subject and tucked it away. My relationship now is very different. It is very easy to tell when my current beau has something on his mind, and as soon as I ask, he will very openly come out with it all. No lie, it kind of stings...but I'm quite thankful for it. I find myself asking, is this what an adult relationship is like? Is this what people mean?
Before I drag this soap box any longer, I suppose the questions I'm throwing out there is... What the fudge is an adult relationship? What does it look like? How does it sound? What do adults in relationships do?
Society will tell you that adults have sex freely and move in before marriage, or maybe they wait... that you should date someone for x amount of months or years before you can move in or consider get married.
My mom just met someone and got married in 5 months, last month. True Story.
I'm finding that we truly create our own lives...
When I ask my grandparents questions about relationships, often their answer is "It depends". It depends on you and your personal preference; what is the story that you want to write? How does your gut feel about it? How about your head and your heart? Does this person make you happy? Is there mutual respect and do you communicate well? Do they support your goals and hobbies--can you support theirs? What about their downfalls; are they things or quirks that you can handle? That maybe you find more endearing than aggravating? Are there lulls in your conversations or how does your partner react to things they don't agree with? How do they interact with their family? How do you?
I found these to be the most helpful questions to ask myself.
At the end of the day, (ideally) you're the only person who has to deal with them for the rest of your life...no one else. How you define an adult relationship is up to you. Be present in your life. Be present in your relationship.
Haters: I don't like your pants
You: Well its a good thing you don't have to wear them
Wear your pants/skirt/boa proudly! Do you boo boo.
Aloha,
Nandi
