I thought long and hard this weekend about what topic I would post about next. If you look in my documents folder, you’ll see a variety of pieces ranging from just a few sentences to nearly complete. Whenever something comes to me, I’ve tried really hard to either write it down or get to a computer and do a quick mental dump. But tonight, as I sit in my almost complete office loft space, I felt the need to just write until something hit me.
I always go back to why I started this blog in the first place when I’m feeling writer’s block. Ultimately, the goal in creating my blog was the help people live more present lives. Through personal stories, motivational book reviews and interviews of local entrepreneurs I wanted to encourage people, however I could, to live their fullest and most authentic life. I believe the two go hand in hand. The more you are able to tap into what makes you who you are and ultimately live proudly in your skin…well, the more truly full and meaningful your life becomes. We can always stuff things into our lives, and often we do, to make things feel more full, more complete, more in line with what we think we should be doing, or having but until we take off the layers of the world to re-discover the creative child underneath, we are kinda just fumbling around.
To be honest, I think that unfortunately a lot of life is fumbling around. I’m hoping to change that, but I can say, looking back on the past at least 10 years of my life, there’s been a whole lot of fumbling. I think its simply part of the process though; nothing to be ashamed of or proud of, it just is. Had I not fumbled I wouldn’t have tried entrepreneurship via Alice’s Table which later inspired me to start my own floral business. Somehow, I fumbled into Colorado and ultimately into Tyler’s arms and that has certainly changed the entire trajectory of my life. Prior to all of that I fumbled around the path of broken-heartedness; holding onto my past and what I thought should have happened. I fumbled with pain and depression and clinging and learning to let go. In some ways, I still do.
It bothers me that…and well, maybe it’s just me that’s guilty of this, but I feel like people are afraid to be seen fumbling. To be see trying things and failing or being excited about someone or something and then a few weeks later, changing our mind. Somehow we should have it all figured out by the time we enter college (or don't) and declare a major. That somehow in that moment we should know, and then graduate and just be in love with it all! (high fives to all of you who this actually happened to!) For me, and for most people I feel, fumbling; liking and disliking and making changes has been a part of the process. Being intentional about crafting your best life and knowing that sometimes that simply means trying a handful of new things and seeing what sticks. Knowing it's okay not to have it all together.
And maybe it is just me. Because this is where I feel I am now. I’ve found something in coaching and I’m really on fire about it. Something I’ve been doing innately for years, now making it into a career, building a life around it. Being the next Gabby Bernstein or Rachel Hollis, who knows…only God, right?
Writing all of this feels extremely vulnerable but I’ve learned that this is where you grow. How do I tell my clients to allow for discomfort in the form of change and not do so myself? (This is also why coaches have coaches…which I do, but that’s a tale for another time) Ya’ll I am so excited for where the coaching road leads, all the people I will impact for the better, all the lives that will change as mine has…all the hope that will be restored, if only you allow for it.
I started this diary entry fumbling. Honestly moving from the heart, to my fingers and onto your screen. And I ended up in a very warm and fuzzy place. Fired up about the life that I am living and continuing to create. Filled to the brim with gratitude and buzzing with love.
Keep fumbling friends.